The Year I Became A Mommy

When we found out we were pregnant, the most common thing I heard was, “the instant you lay your eyes on that baby, you will just fall in love.” 

If I am being perfectly honest, that didn’t exactly happen for me.  I think my first thoughts were, “I am exhausted” and “Can I eat now?” All kidding aside, I actually did cry when they handed Carson to me for the first time.  I was so relieved to finally hold him in my arms and know that we had a healthy baby.  Plus, he was pretty darn cute.

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But the next three months weren’t exactly like I imagined they would be.  I love sleep and I wasn’t getting any, I was in serious pain from labor and my body wasn’t exactly something I wanted to parade around in a bathing suit and it was the beginning of summer. Add to that list a whopping case of the baby blues and I was a MESS.  I was also slightly terrified of this little human that I was in charge of. When Nick went back to work, I counted down the hours until he came home at night and I could hand Carson over.  Luckily, my husband recognized that the baby blues were lasting a little longer than normal and marched me back to the doctor.  

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And somewhere along the way, my confidence just started to build.  I learned what made him cry, when he needed to eat, what type of schedule made him happy and when he needed to be held.   Little by little, I wasn’t as overwhelmed or as stressed about being alone with him during the day.  And one day, things just seemed to click.  I knew him better than anyone else and what he needed and I found myself thinking “maybe I can do this.”  

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And one day, it just hit me that I loved this little human with everything I had.  I loved spending my days with him, watching him learn, smile and laugh.  Not to say we still didn’t have some trying times, but I knew I could handle it.  Plus, I was starting to get some sleep!!

It’s different for everyone and it wasn’t instant mad love for me.  Will some people think that’s terrible to say about my child?  Probably, but I don’t think so. I think we needed some time to figure each other out and that’s okay.  

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It might have taken me a while to feel like one, but being a Mom is fantastic.  Carson, thank you for turning me into a Mommy.  Your Daddy says that you are turning into a Mama’s boy and I always just smile and say, “we can’t help that we love each other.”  

ImageIt’s been one roller coaster of a year, but 2013, I will never forget you because it’s the year I got to become a Mommy.  

10 thoughts on “The Year I Became A Mommy

  1. Catherine Jochum says:

    I’ve had the blessing this morning of pouring a cup of delicious coffee, watching the sunrise, complete with four beautiful swans in the bay. AND reading a dozen or more of your blogs! This one made me cry, Lauren. What a wonderful diary for Carson!

    I try to check this e-mail at work, but now realize that none of your blogs have gone into it. I’m not certain if that’s the security setting on my office computer or what, but last night is when I discovered all these blogs. Occasionally, if I open my Outlook at home on my laptop (it’s got this e-mail filtered into it), then I see your blog now and then. I did a search because I wanted to show Ed the one that you sent yesterday or the day before and “bam”, up came a whole string of your blogs.

    Thank you for a beautiful morning getting caught up with life with Carson. Love, KJ

  2. Danielle says:

    I have been following your blog since you were in D. C. and we were pregnant around the same time….
    Thank you for being so refreshingly honest…I went through the exact same thing and was afraid to voice it. Your post made me feel like there was someone who completely understood what I went through.
    I agree, once you figure out the “Mommy thing”, it gets easier. But there is nothing like those first couple of weeks and especially when your hubby goes back to work and it’s just the two of you!

    • Life's Better With Freckles says:

      How fun!! Did you have a boy or girl? Thank you so much for the sweet comment! I feel exactly like you did and really struggled about posting this for a while, but finally decided to be honest and bite the bullet. So it’s great to hear from someone about it! I think it’s hard to admit as a Mommy, but it seems so common. I hope you are doing better now. Thanks so much for reading!!

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