When You Become A Mom

Something funny happens when you become a Mom.  For instance,

You will lay back on the living room floor during your workout and feel your spine connect with a toy car.  It does not feel good.

You will sit in a dressing room with your best friend while you both nurse your children and laugh at the absurdity of the little humans attached to your bodies.

Tickling those delicious baby fat rolls and hearing the laughter that comes from somewhere deep in their body will be your favorite sound.

You will have conversations with your friends and think nothing of the topics switching from vacations to poop to Grey’s Anatomy and sleep schedules.  The lovely bodily functions that happen before, during and after labor?  Those aren’t off limit either.

When you sneak into your child’s room while they are sleeping to check on them and they hear you and start moving, you will suddenly turn into a ninja that can hide into the corner without breathing until it’s safe to sneak back out.

Even if you are out without the baby and have showered and worn clean clothes, you will still manage to find a spot of baby puke or food on some part of your body.

Having your baby come up to you and plant a wet, slobbery kiss on your cheek can turn your entire day around.

Making dinner with a baby attached to your legs is pretty common.  And don’t forget about stirring the pasta, keeping the dog away from the baby, calling the pediatrician’s office and making a bottle at the same time.  You will be sweating by the time dinner is on the table.  Oh, and this doesn’t apply to the father.  They can still only do one thing at a time.

You will catch yourself reading articles on items such as car seat safety and sleep training techniques instead of your typical People.com.

Breastfeeding seems like a bizarre and weird experience but by the time you have been in the hospital for a few hours after the birth, you will think nothing of a nurse putting a hand on your boobs.  Without asking.

Each time you step out of the shower or have just put on clean clothes, you will be greeted with a stream of baby vomit as soon as you pick up the little munchkin.  It must be some law of parenthood.

You will be out shopping without the baby and pull a toy car or teething toy out of your purse.  They invade everything you own.

And speaking of showers, you will be able to fully wash and condition in five minutes flat.  Something about a screaming baby locked in the bathroom with you turns you into a speed demon.  But those times where you shower alone?  Heaven.

You will find yourself sitting in church one day fighting back tears when young children get up to read Bible verses because you can picture your child up there one day.  And those commercials that P&G runs during the Olympics about Moms?  Yep, those might get you too.

Taking 500 pictures of your child on a daily basis will be completely normal.  And you will think each one is so adorable.

Things you said you would never do will happen without you realizing it.  Like spending the entire day in yoga pants or not taking a shower.  Forgetting to brush your teeth first thing in the morning is common as well.

Being a Mom, well, it’s pretty freaking awesome.  Puke and all.

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