I’ll admit, there was a bittersweet part to Mother’s Day this year. I had a great time with Nick and Carson, but I had a hard time not focusing on what was missing. I’ve been doing much better in the past few weeks over the miscarriage, but I still felt sad that I wasn’t getting to celebrate becoming a Mom for the second time.
It’s a constant range of emotions. I’m so glad that we didn’t have time to get excited and then lose the baby because I miscarried on the same day that I found out I was pregnant. However, it doesn’t stop the sense of loss over never getting to hold that baby or learn whether it was a boy or girl.
I was having a very hard time and just couldn’t focus on anything else and finally found some peace during a recent church service. This verse really just stuck out to me and finally just made me start to feel some peace about the situation.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
So on Mother’s Day, I wanted to focus on the fact that I do get to celebrate Mother’s Day and have a healthy baby boy.
Carson gave me a great gift and slept until 8:30-awesome!-and then came walking in with Nick and handed me a card. It was the sweetest thing and completely melted my heart! They had traced his hands and dated it, so it’s now in my office and one of my favorite things to look at. Nick also spoiled me with new baking items and a breakfast of french toast.
There are still certain times where I get jealous when I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook and have to not think about how many weeks along I would be now. However, I am so grateful that God chose me to be Carson’s Mom. I feel like he’s the perfect little complement to our family and he’s taught me so much about patience, love and laughter. Most importantly, he’s taught me to slow down and enjoy life more, instead of constantly checking off my to do list. I love hearing his little voice say, “Hey Mommy!” and getting a kiss or hug. I also get tackled or climbed on, and while I don’t always appreciate it, I love that being his personal jungle gym is enough to send him into uncontrollable laughter.
I’m so glad that he’s the child God chose to make me a Mommy.